Can We Get The Orchestra to Play Over Ashton Kutcher Now?

  Hey there, Ashton. I see your acceptance speech went somewhat viral on the internet because at least 3 of my facebook friends shared it, but I just don't see how it's anything special...

If an unshaven man is announcing Ashton Kutcher's name
with an indoor projection of the ocean shore in the background,
in front of a crowd of uncontrollably loud teenage girls...

and then hands Ashton Kutcher a surfboard, I have
a difficult time taking this whole video seriously.
Who is that person on the left? Are we supposed to care?

   That being said, you're a lovely gentleman I'm sure, Mr. Chris Ashton Kutcher. Nothing personal from here on.
   It's just that.. in my previous blog about (That's So) Raven-Symoné, I pointed out the fact that our media wouldn't leave her alone until we were all aware that she likes pussy instead of cock. Pardon my French. 

Just so you don't forget this cutie.     

    But in all seriousness, isn't there something a little messed up when the entertainment industry focuses so much attention on the very concept of a particular person's sexuality? With all of the questions we could be asking about celebrities, the "news" moguls tend to linger far too much on whether someone is gay or not. That curiosity should be a thing of the past, people. 
  
   But anyway, how does this relate to Ashton Kutcher's acceptance speech roughly a week ago at the Teen Choice Awards? Because it was nothing but a stunt pulled on a crappy annual TV special that is strictly used to retain mediocre entertainment within a highly exploited teenage market, disguised as "motivational". In other words, the Teen Choice Awards shouldn't be taken very seriously. 
     Maybe it's because teenagers are fed so much garbage from all different directions that Ashton Kutcher felt the need to somewhat reveal what's behind the curtain of Hollywood. Or maybe he was feeding his own ego. You can never really tell with celebrities. They're just living their lives the same way the popular kids from high school did. 

After all, didn't the popular jocks always have this attitude 
when showing off their trophies at an all school assembly after
winning state? (I went to a white bread high school like Ashton).

     The point being, when celebrities like Ashton Kutcher have nothing interesting to say anymore, they tend to reach out to an audience with poor taste and pretend like they do. In the case of the former That 70's Show star, he reached out to teens. And because his acceptance speech has over 3 MILLION views in less than a week of being on youtube, he has kept his career healthy for a while. Or so he thinks...
      3 million will be nothing in a matter of weeks. Days maybe. Here's the problem for Mr. Chris: he is a screen entertainer. Not an internet entertainer. His downward spiral is showing through the subpar sales in "Jobs" over the recent weekend. Ashton Kutcher's career is all about being likable in the box offices and television ratings.  It has nothing to do with being thoughtful. It has nothing to do with being generous. And it really isn't about being smart, because that can be left to your agent. It's about being physically attractive, having common sense, and not making an embarrassment of yourself like he did a week ago. 
       To give Ashton Kutcher some credit, I do think he decided to pursue this career at the right age. He said he was 19 when he had the maturity to protect his name (much like my obsession, Marilyn Monroe). Any younger and there would be no way he could survive the pressure of the lifestyle with his ridiculous ego. Why? Because HE'S STILL ACTING LIKE A TEENAGER. 
       Giving a speech like that says a lot beneath the surface. If he was giving a speech like this when in his prime (That 70's Show), it would've made a lot more sense because he was closer to the age of the audience. I understand that the 35-year-old Ashton Kutcher plays the role of Steve Jobs, but his acceptance speech comes across as if he is Steve Jobs. Or at least as if he's as accomplished as him.
       Except he isn't. Ashton Kutcher is really only more accomplished in the area of making underage girls wet at a fake awards show. Can you imagine if we reacted the same way when Apple revealed the iPhone5? HE knows his targeted audience, because they applaud more at him using the word "sexy" than they do at his actual mention of Steve Jobs. And that's sad, because he's been acting for 15 years now...

and all he got was a crappy surfboard. 

     Ashton, you've had your time to ride the wave of popularity. Now get off the stage and hand it to the most talented 20 year-old out there today: the gnarly Miley Cyrus. No just kidding. Don't do that. But for real, we all have enough to remember you by: That 70's Show, Punk'd, Dude, Where's my Car?, and that hilarious marriage to Demi Moore. 

      And don't forget to thank the Teen Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences in the beginning next time. We'll be busy reminiscing your glory days as the charming, clumsy teen from Wisconsin.

And iiiiiiiiiii will alwayyyyys love youuuuuu (Kelso)